In which we consider the matter of manners…

I am incredibly weary of hearing myself say “Say please!” and “Try that again” and “Pardon?” in attempts to instill some basic manners into the Little One. Obviously in terms of acceptable social behaviour in The Boys, the bigger issues lie in trying to get the Little One to stop eating spaghetti bolognaise with his hands, and the Big One to stop playing with his willy. But those will be ongoing battles for the next several years, I fear.

So, “please” and “thank you” are the focus.

The Big One is very good with this stuff, always has been.

The Little One is a dick about this stuff, always has been.

And so, every request is made three times until he eventually stops just shouting “Can I have lemon juice?” and adds a “please?”. And no banana/toy/stick is released from my vice-like grip until a “thank you” (or more accurately a “tank oo”) finally emerges from his sticky little chops. In that situation, though, there is the rather satisfying moment when I do let go and he goes flying across the room and lands on his arse.

Top tip – don’t do that if the thing you were holding onto was a full cup of juice. Not ideal.

He is getting better. Though has made the mistake of thinking that bellowing “PLEEEEEASE???” at the top of his voice will get him Mini Eggs for breakfast, or a pet elephant. Or on one happy occasion, a bottle of beer of his very own. (A level of shit parenting that even I draw the line at). These disappointments do rather set the process back.

His whole attitude on just not giving a fuck about manners was summed up rather beautifully a couple of weeks ago, during breakfast at my parents’ house…

Me: “What would you like on your toast?”

Little One: “Peanut butter”

Me: “Pardon?”

Little One: “Peanut butter”

Me: “Try again?”

Little One: *looking slightly perplexed* “Peanut….Butter….”

Me: “No…you’ve forgotten a word…”

Little One: “……..”

Me: *stern look*

Little One: “Crunchy!”

Fucker.

Special thanks to Grandpa at that moment for really helping the process by laughing heartily.

The work continues…